Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
