you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
