Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
