the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
