So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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