your thong is hanging out like whoa
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
