She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
