I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
