Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
