Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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