READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
