U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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