You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
