I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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