My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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