I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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