Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
