it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
