I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
