i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
