worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
