I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
