i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
