I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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