Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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