from now on my penis is your penis
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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