textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
