I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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