worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
