Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
