If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
