I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
