ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
