we have pet lesbian snakes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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