We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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