If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
