What a fucking waste of an outfit
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
