I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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