I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
