All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
