I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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