UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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