So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
