so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
