Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
