i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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