I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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