Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
