hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
