He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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