i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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