fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
