He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
