butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
