Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
