hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
